Unfortunately its a week delayed (i was supposed to get it on the 22nd), because all within 10 days, the insurance company delayed my surgery, denied it, and re-approved it. So, it went like this- surgery in a week, (3 days later) no surgery at all, (3 more days later) schedule it as soon as you can, its approved! holy hell, my emotions are screaming from exhaustion.
i really want to be an excellent blogger and update with all of my before pictures and silly photos of my fridge which is stocked with the necessities- ensure, boost, and applesauce. but right now i am so exhausted that all i want to do is write Cameron a letter and then go to bed.
i really wish he were going to be here for all of this. he has this really special way about him that calms me down even when i'm at my worst (i don't know how he does it), and i could really benefit from that right now. i just miss him- 12 weeks is long enough, i'm ready for him to come home. i feel awful too, i've been so busy with traveling and all of the insurance shit that i haven't been sending him letters as much as possible, and they go out into the field for 7 days straight on sunday night. So, last letters i sent him were on tuesday, and i left him hanging with- "i may be getting my surgery, i may not be". I don't want to call the red cross and have them tell him because i don't want him to be worried the entire time he's in the field- i want him to focus on his training and getting through it safely. I just don't know- i feel awful about the entire situation. I hope i'm going about it wright. Maybe I'll have someone call on friday and have them tell him that everything went fine... ugh- i just don't know. I've never been in this type of situation before.
Anyways- surgery's at 2 PM tomorrow, got my surgical hooks put on today- they're a lot smaller than i imagined (thank goodness!). I've only got 8 all together, which I feel is a really good thing. I was about to take before pictures and photos of my hooks, and of course my memory card breaks. Thats the second 4 gigabyte card i've managed to mess up this summer. So, tomorrow, en route home from the post office, i'm picking up two- one for each camera, because thats what is breaking them (i think). And then i'll take all sorts of pictures of my gross mouth.
Sorry- i'm just anxious and sad right now.
Its funny how a smell can bring back so many emotions, by the way.
I'm off to enjoy sleeping on my stomach one last time.
I'll post from the other side!
-Fayth.
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